teddwebb

I’m Angry at Hallucinated Sheri

I’m one of those people who need time to think over and determine the real impact on me, so I try to curb my “Internal Drama Queen.” I also need time to gather my thoughts so that I can speak intelligently, clearly convey my feelings, and be less “attacking” and more “here’s what happened and here’s how and why that hurt my feelings” in my speaking and choice of words because that’s more productive than just lashing out in raw emotions, which is rarely productive and rarely solves anything. Waiting also gives me time to think about some possible solutions to the problem, and to see any part that is or may be my own fault and how to change my own behavior.

The downside is that I’m angry and “disturbed” for a week or two while I’m working things out in my mind. If I act too quickly, then we just end up hashing out the same thing again later, and things can be said that are hurtful because of being defensive due to the hurtful nature of whatever transgression I have perceived. This causes me to have hurt feelings longer, but the goal is a productive outcome, a positive outcome, so being proactive, allowing time to pass to fully analyze the situation is worth the trade-off.

A few weeks ago, I was having ‘a bad day.’ I had been having Generalized Seizures and Tonic-clonic Seizures all day long. I thought Sheri had decided to stay home with me, but then around lunch time, her boss made her leave me and go into work. I spent the rest of the day having seizures all by myself. I was hurt that Sheri would leave me like that. I understood that she had a job to do, but I also understood that there are certain times when exceptions MUST be made. And when your spouse is having grand mal seizures and other seizures, one-after-another all day long, an exception MUST be made. But Sheri left me. I was so hurt.

I talked to Sheri about this, but I don’t think I was clear. I’d had a few ‘bad days’ in a row, and I was still half out of my gordo, so I’m sure that I wasn’t the clearest person to try to communicate with! LOL!!! Anyway, Sheri never understood what I was talking about. I was so mad at her. She had hurt my feelings badly. Sheri’s under a lot of stress, so I just didn’t want to “jump her” over this, but instead wanted to have time to calm down so I could approach her without it turning into a pointless shouting match (well, loud voices and cursing, but not actually ‘shouting’ or ‘yelling’). We were also looking into Respite Home Healthcare for me and Medical Transportation Services too since I can’t drive myself to doctor’s appointments anymore.

After about 2 weeks, I felt comfortable enough to approach Sheri with this. We talked about it, talked it out. She felt guilty for not staying home with me that day anyway. But by this time, I was clear-headed enough to fully explain what was going on. She said that she wasn’t home at all that day. She had left for work as usual that day because I had started out that day “fine” and not appearing to need anyone to stay home.

I was indeed a bit embarrassed, but more importantly, a Great Sense of relief wafted over me. We laughed about the entire thing. I told Sheri that I wasn’t mad at her anymore. All this time, I had been mad at “Hallucinated Sheri” because the REAL Sheri was at work that entire time!

Damn You Hallucinated Sheri!!!

I Love You, Real Sheri 

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