I don’t always drink horse piss but when…
I don’t always drink horse piss,
but when I do, I prefer it twice as strong…
teddwebb
Shit happens every day, but it can always be wiped away…
Some people are born to Please God by…
Some people are born to Please God by furthering His human race by having children, and some people are born to Please God and are here to offer Praises unto Him. Sing and Make a Joyful Noise Unto the Lord!!!
Some days you feel like a nut and…
Some days you feel like a nut, and some days you feel like the crusty skin on the nut.
Words of Wisdom…
“You died at the very end of your life”
I hate emotional days
Emotional Days
Multiple Sclerosis, Unknown Neurological Disorder, Epilepsy Seizure Disorder, Schizophrenia,
Narcolepsy Sleep Disorder, Multiple Severely Bulging Discs, Hot Flashes, Cold Flashes,
and Sudden Fits of Crying, Deep Sadness, Inability to Control One’s Emotions.
Narcolepsy Sleep Disorder, Multiple Severely Bulging Discs, Hot Flashes, Cold Flashes,
and Sudden Fits of Crying, Deep Sadness, Inability to Control One’s Emotions.
GOD, I HATE THE EMOTIONAL DAYS!
I woke up this morning, with my new CPAP, just delivered yesterday, and I feel like
I’ve had a tiny bit of rest, but still exhausted, mostly psychological because,
well, I have a new CPAP. Isn’t that what getting a new CPAP is supposed to do, make
you feel more rested? Psychosomatic response me thinks, sadly, not wanting to think,
but knowing, feeling the exhaustion in my muscles, the heavy, weighty drag of every
movement, like time has slowed. Even the thought of taking a shower and the energy
it takes to wash my hair is dreadful. Can’t I just go like a greasy-haired homeless
man? No! Sheri will not have any of that! So I lift repeatedly lift each leg, lumbering
into the shower, like the march of prisoners to death row to face the grueling task
that awaits, the painful, long, drawn-out, thorough, arduous washing of the mop,
also known as my hair.
I’ve had a tiny bit of rest, but still exhausted, mostly psychological because,
well, I have a new CPAP. Isn’t that what getting a new CPAP is supposed to do, make
you feel more rested? Psychosomatic response me thinks, sadly, not wanting to think,
but knowing, feeling the exhaustion in my muscles, the heavy, weighty drag of every
movement, like time has slowed. Even the thought of taking a shower and the energy
it takes to wash my hair is dreadful. Can’t I just go like a greasy-haired homeless
man? No! Sheri will not have any of that! So I lift repeatedly lift each leg, lumbering
into the shower, like the march of prisoners to death row to face the grueling task
that awaits, the painful, long, drawn-out, thorough, arduous washing of the mop,
also known as my hair.
I am drained, in a haze, a fog, not really aware that I have finished my shower
and not even remembering how I got from the shower into the living room, but the
ordeal is over. Now it is time to get out this mornings and this evenings set of
medication to take. My God, who on earth should have to take these many pills just
to not suffer so much? My previous evening pills have already begun to wear off,
so my head and neck are already itching as I reach for the Atarax, my shoulder already
is beginning to feel like it’s being drawn and quartered as I reach for the Neurontin.
I have a pang of fear of what might be and a flash of past memories of what has
been as I reach for my many anti-seizure meds and I say a little prayer, begging
God, “not today God, please Lord, don’t let me have any seizures today, at least
not any big ones.” This dance continues for what seems like an eternity, this dance
of wild swings to and fro from of my saviors, my pills that help some at least,
at least sometimes they help, to the painful reality of the years of suffering,
the tears, of what has been lost, of what more will be lost, and of what will never
be, and naturally I perfunctorily fill up two bottles with pills, a morning bottle
and an evening bottle.
and not even remembering how I got from the shower into the living room, but the
ordeal is over. Now it is time to get out this mornings and this evenings set of
medication to take. My God, who on earth should have to take these many pills just
to not suffer so much? My previous evening pills have already begun to wear off,
so my head and neck are already itching as I reach for the Atarax, my shoulder already
is beginning to feel like it’s being drawn and quartered as I reach for the Neurontin.
I have a pang of fear of what might be and a flash of past memories of what has
been as I reach for my many anti-seizure meds and I say a little prayer, begging
God, “not today God, please Lord, don’t let me have any seizures today, at least
not any big ones.” This dance continues for what seems like an eternity, this dance
of wild swings to and fro from of my saviors, my pills that help some at least,
at least sometimes they help, to the painful reality of the years of suffering,
the tears, of what has been lost, of what more will be lost, and of what will never
be, and naturally I perfunctorily fill up two bottles with pills, a morning bottle
and an evening bottle.
I take my morning bottle of pills with me into the quiet, lonely, cold, dark living
room and wake the birdies, our two pet birds, Virge and Goober. I don’t care much
for food these days, not really. There are only a few things that I really care
to eat so I eat to stay alive and to keep Sheri off my back. Mostly I live on granola
bars, flavored water, and soda, mostly…mostly they come out at night, mostly. I
do have to eat something with substance when I take a mountain of pills though,
or else my system rejects that many chemicals and throws them up. This is one of
the very, very few times that my body is physically capable of actually throwing
up.
room and wake the birdies, our two pet birds, Virge and Goober. I don’t care much
for food these days, not really. There are only a few things that I really care
to eat so I eat to stay alive and to keep Sheri off my back. Mostly I live on granola
bars, flavored water, and soda, mostly…mostly they come out at night, mostly. I
do have to eat something with substance when I take a mountain of pills though,
or else my system rejects that many chemicals and throws them up. This is one of
the very, very few times that my body is physically capable of actually throwing
up.
Back in my youth, my Army Partying Days, I could outdrink anyone. I would drink
a 1.75ltr of Vodka and THEN we’d go out partying for the night and I would NEVER
throw up. I’ve actually had alcohol poisoning 3 times in my life, the last one almost
killed me; the last one finally taught me the lesson I needed to learn. Apparently
being able to drink MASSIVE amounts of alcohol and NOT having the ability to throw
up is a VERY BAD combination which is not conducive for living! LOL!!! 🙂
So I eat a hotdog and I take my pills and then I stand in the living room and I
begin to weep uncontrollably. For no particular reason can I discern as to why I
should be so filled with such sorrow and yet, there I stand, shaking, tears flowing
freely down my chubby cheeks, the sadness of the world heaped upon my shoulders,
upon my heart, and I weep tears of sorrow, uncontrollable, heartfelt, mournful tears
of sorrow. I feel as though I am crying for all the pain and sorrow for all the
peoples for all the earth all at once and it is overwhelming, crushing, unbearable,
and I cry to God for help, for it to stop, but stop it does not. God does not intervene
for it is my turn to weep; it is Tedd’s time to shed a few tears for the sorrows
of mankind and feel the hefty weight and burden of the earth’s deepened sadness,
just my portion, and just for a few moments, and then it passes.
begin to weep uncontrollably. For no particular reason can I discern as to why I
should be so filled with such sorrow and yet, there I stand, shaking, tears flowing
freely down my chubby cheeks, the sadness of the world heaped upon my shoulders,
upon my heart, and I weep tears of sorrow, uncontrollable, heartfelt, mournful tears
of sorrow. I feel as though I am crying for all the pain and sorrow for all the
peoples for all the earth all at once and it is overwhelming, crushing, unbearable,
and I cry to God for help, for it to stop, but stop it does not. God does not intervene
for it is my turn to weep; it is Tedd’s time to shed a few tears for the sorrows
of mankind and feel the hefty weight and burden of the earth’s deepened sadness,
just my portion, and just for a few moments, and then it passes.
Again I am drained. Empty. A hollowed husk of a man that used to be Tedd but has been
emptied of all its contents and is now just an empty shell with a label on its forehead
called, “Tedd.” I collapse into my chair. Slowly, gradually, a gentle warmth rejuvenates
me, livens me, makes me whole again. Suddenly, perhaps not even before I am fully
lucid, a wave of cold chills wraps down my spine and spreads across my skin like
an amoeba moving through water. My temperature drops and I am flooded with waves
of depression and lethargy. So not only do my muscles feel like they weigh 10 times
their actual weight, with each movement an act of raw, brutal strength, but now
I have lost the will to move, the will to even breath. My chest feels heavy, breathing
is labored, and even the beating of my heart slows, as if hypothermia is setting
in, but I do not care. Whatever. Nothing matters. What’s the point in it all anyway?
I just wish I would die and all this pain and suffering would end.
emptied of all its contents and is now just an empty shell with a label on its forehead
called, “Tedd.” I collapse into my chair. Slowly, gradually, a gentle warmth rejuvenates
me, livens me, makes me whole again. Suddenly, perhaps not even before I am fully
lucid, a wave of cold chills wraps down my spine and spreads across my skin like
an amoeba moving through water. My temperature drops and I am flooded with waves
of depression and lethargy. So not only do my muscles feel like they weigh 10 times
their actual weight, with each movement an act of raw, brutal strength, but now
I have lost the will to move, the will to even breath. My chest feels heavy, breathing
is labored, and even the beating of my heart slows, as if hypothermia is setting
in, but I do not care. Whatever. Nothing matters. What’s the point in it all anyway?
I just wish I would die and all this pain and suffering would end.
Time crawls like a sloth slowly lumbering its way along a branch, gradual, in no
particular hurry, with no particular purpose really. Then the cold sweats strike
without warning. But were they really without warning? No, they weren’t really without
warning because we all know by now that when there’s a cold temperature drop, it’s
followed by cold sweats, then the horrific, panicked hot flash. Sticky, cold, like
the flesh of the dead is how my skin becomes as the cold sweats permeate my entire
body. I begin to shiver. I begin to shake. But I am not rocking and rolling, unfortunately.
The need to get out, to escape, to free myself from what I don’t know sets in. The
hot flash is coming soon.
particular hurry, with no particular purpose really. Then the cold sweats strike
without warning. But were they really without warning? No, they weren’t really without
warning because we all know by now that when there’s a cold temperature drop, it’s
followed by cold sweats, then the horrific, panicked hot flash. Sticky, cold, like
the flesh of the dead is how my skin becomes as the cold sweats permeate my entire
body. I begin to shiver. I begin to shake. But I am not rocking and rolling, unfortunately.
The need to get out, to escape, to free myself from what I don’t know sets in. The
hot flash is coming soon.
I would like to say, without warning, or out of nowhere, but I know you, yes I know
you Mr. Hot Flash oh so well as to not be recognizable when I see you approaching!
No, you cannot sneak up on me! The hot flash starts slowly, then erupts rather quickly
into a full-blown, all-out, mother-of-all hot flashes. My skin is ice cold, I’m
covered in cold sweat, then my temperature suddenly goes through the roof and my
skin turns beet red, my mind races in confusion, I am overwhelmed with a sensation
of confinement. I feel confused, upset, frustrated, flustered, but most of all,
I have a massive need to get away, to get out, to run, to escape, but the need is
to escape from my own skin, my own body. That makes no sense, but in a monolithic
hot flash, isn’t that what everyone is supposed to do, escape from their own skin
because they are burning up? My mind races in confusion, my eyes glass over and
I can’t focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds and my emotions fluctuate
like the needle on an EKG machine, bouncing all over the place. For one second I
am angry, one second I am laughing hysterically, one second I am paranoid, one second
I am crying, one second I feel overwhelming love, one second I feel overwhelming
sadness, and for one second I feel nothing but emptiness as if there is no Tedd
left at all inside me. And I am scared. And I am upset. And I really am angry at
the situation as it does tire me out and leave me an emotional wreck. I have no
control. I am unable to stop it, unable to control it, unable to do anything but
be helpless and trapped in my own body.
you Mr. Hot Flash oh so well as to not be recognizable when I see you approaching!
No, you cannot sneak up on me! The hot flash starts slowly, then erupts rather quickly
into a full-blown, all-out, mother-of-all hot flashes. My skin is ice cold, I’m
covered in cold sweat, then my temperature suddenly goes through the roof and my
skin turns beet red, my mind races in confusion, I am overwhelmed with a sensation
of confinement. I feel confused, upset, frustrated, flustered, but most of all,
I have a massive need to get away, to get out, to run, to escape, but the need is
to escape from my own skin, my own body. That makes no sense, but in a monolithic
hot flash, isn’t that what everyone is supposed to do, escape from their own skin
because they are burning up? My mind races in confusion, my eyes glass over and
I can’t focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds and my emotions fluctuate
like the needle on an EKG machine, bouncing all over the place. For one second I
am angry, one second I am laughing hysterically, one second I am paranoid, one second
I am crying, one second I feel overwhelming love, one second I feel overwhelming
sadness, and for one second I feel nothing but emptiness as if there is no Tedd
left at all inside me. And I am scared. And I am upset. And I really am angry at
the situation as it does tire me out and leave me an emotional wreck. I have no
control. I am unable to stop it, unable to control it, unable to do anything but
be helpless and trapped in my own body.
God how I hate these emotional days! Thank God that not every day is an “Emotional
Day” and only every once in a while do I have these. Sometimes I think that my brain
stores up emotions in some kind of emotional battery or resistor and every so often
it just needs to discharge. I can tell you that Sheri sure does hate these days
too, especially the crabby days! LOL!!!
Day” and only every once in a while do I have these. Sometimes I think that my brain
stores up emotions in some kind of emotional battery or resistor and every so often
it just needs to discharge. I can tell you that Sheri sure does hate these days
too, especially the crabby days! LOL!!!
I am thankful to God for emotional days though. I am still capable of feeling all
the normal range of human emotions. I still empathize, love, laugh, cry, and mourn
and am not that empty shell at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. No, that’s
when my time will come and I will be ready to move on to the next life because there
will be nothing left in this life. All we really have is our emotions after all.
We should treasure them and hold them dear.
the normal range of human emotions. I still empathize, love, laugh, cry, and mourn
and am not that empty shell at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. No, that’s
when my time will come and I will be ready to move on to the next life because there
will be nothing left in this life. All we really have is our emotions after all.
We should treasure them and hold them dear.
Dear Heavenly Father, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Most Forgiving
I humble myself before you in worship of your Holiness and Greatness and Wonderment
I thank you for giving me the strength to bear the weight of my Emotional Days
I thank you for the Wondrous, Blessed Gift of Emotions that you have bestowed upon
your children
your children
Without emotions, there would be no love, no sense of loss without sense of beloved
value, no friendships
value, no friendships
I thank you Dear Lord, God of all Creation for love and laughter and joy, the feel
of the sun on your skin on a warm day
of the sun on your skin on a warm day
I thank you Almighty God for all the blessings you have bestowed upon us
I pray Dear God that you would lead and guide and show us the way, be with us daily
in our walk of life, always present in the forefront of our minds and hearts Dear
Lord
in our walk of life, always present in the forefront of our minds and hearts Dear
Lord
For it is in the Name of The One True God that I do pray and ask these things
Amen.
>ð|~@-@~|ð<
And I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, and then some more…
How Many Miles to Go
Ah, I just LOVE my little subscription to the UCC Daily Devotional. It’s always
a special, sweet treat to start my day out and quite often, more often than not,
it sparks within me, the need to write one of little Blogs.
a special, sweet treat to start my day out and quite often, more often than not,
it sparks within me, the need to write one of little Blogs.
Today’s Devotional was entitled:
The Third Mile
Excerpt from Matthew 5: 38-42
” . . . Whoever forces [41] you to go one mile, go with him two…”
The UCC took the stance on this as that of the message of yes, be patient, allow
yourself to be walked all over, but God is not telling you that there is never a
cause for when you cannot defend yourself by following a path of trying to help
your “enemy” see the errors in their ways and explain what damage they are doing,
what actions they should stop doing, and what words they should stop saying. And
thus in turn, they also should stand up and teach their “enemy,” their “foe,” the
peaceful, the Holy way, all the while taking a beating now and then.
yourself to be walked all over, but God is not telling you that there is never a
cause for when you cannot defend yourself by following a path of trying to help
your “enemy” see the errors in their ways and explain what damage they are doing,
what actions they should stop doing, and what words they should stop saying. And
thus in turn, they also should stand up and teach their “enemy,” their “foe,” the
peaceful, the Holy way, all the while taking a beating now and then.
My message is a bit different from its message though. At first glance, it appears
that Jesus is saying to roll over, be cowards and let everyone walk all over you.
Show your throat to your “enemy” willingly and stand by like sheep being abused
instead of fighting back because Jesus and The Lord abhor violence and the Holier
route, the Godly path, is the path of peace.
that Jesus is saying to roll over, be cowards and let everyone walk all over you.
Show your throat to your “enemy” willingly and stand by like sheep being abused
instead of fighting back because Jesus and The Lord abhor violence and the Holier
route, the Godly path, is the path of peace.
The Ancient Assyrian Laws and the Babylonian Hammurabi were brutal laws by which
all the ancient peoples had lived by up until Jesus’ time, “an eye for an eye, a
tooth for a tooth,” and in certain cases money could be paid as compensation. These
were well entrenched laws by which everyone had lived by for thousands of years.
These laws also spawned blood feuds and the need for ever increasing numbers of
organized policing, the creation of formal laws, and the creation of formal courts.
By the time Jesus was a boy and then grew to a man, the corruption within these
courts was prolific, and well-known. The manipulation of the laws by the wealthy
to control the poor ran rampant. The merchants and tax collectors had under-the-table
deals running, adding to the social corruption, and the working class, the poor,
were being so taken advantage of, so mistreated, so treated unfairly, that a core
aspect of this entire system was well overdue for a major change. Jesus was just
the man to bring on that change!
all the ancient peoples had lived by up until Jesus’ time, “an eye for an eye, a
tooth for a tooth,” and in certain cases money could be paid as compensation. These
were well entrenched laws by which everyone had lived by for thousands of years.
These laws also spawned blood feuds and the need for ever increasing numbers of
organized policing, the creation of formal laws, and the creation of formal courts.
By the time Jesus was a boy and then grew to a man, the corruption within these
courts was prolific, and well-known. The manipulation of the laws by the wealthy
to control the poor ran rampant. The merchants and tax collectors had under-the-table
deals running, adding to the social corruption, and the working class, the poor,
were being so taken advantage of, so mistreated, so treated unfairly, that a core
aspect of this entire system was well overdue for a major change. Jesus was just
the man to bring on that change!
Jesus’ message is not to just take it. Jesus’ message is that if someone wrongs
you in some way, do not seek revenge. This one, simple act, right off the bat, totally
eliminates all of the blood feuds. This one, simple act, eliminates everyone from
suing each other in court just because someone accidentally harmed someone else,
as is often the case, which is also very often what starts a volley of suits back
and forth leading to multiple retaliations between two parties. With Jesus’ one
simple statement of turning your other cheek, he has taken all the power away from
the “enemy.” He doubly reinforces this in the following verse regarding the loaning
of cloaks and their return, even if it does mean that you have no blanket to sleep
on at night. They no longer matter. Only God matters at that point. Only your trust
in God matters at that point. Turn the other cheek is simply do not seek revenge
and do not hold grudges. In Romans 12:17, Paul reiterates this sentiment in, “Repay
no one evil for evil.” And in verse 41, Jesus is speaking of carrying the gear of
Roman soldiers under occupation, as the soldiers would force the Jews to carry their
gear for them. Jesus is not concerned with rebellions and warfare’s of men. What
is it for you to meddle in the affairs of the disputes of men when the kingdom of
righteousness waits ahead? Set aside your petty disputes.
you in some way, do not seek revenge. This one, simple act, right off the bat, totally
eliminates all of the blood feuds. This one, simple act, eliminates everyone from
suing each other in court just because someone accidentally harmed someone else,
as is often the case, which is also very often what starts a volley of suits back
and forth leading to multiple retaliations between two parties. With Jesus’ one
simple statement of turning your other cheek, he has taken all the power away from
the “enemy.” He doubly reinforces this in the following verse regarding the loaning
of cloaks and their return, even if it does mean that you have no blanket to sleep
on at night. They no longer matter. Only God matters at that point. Only your trust
in God matters at that point. Turn the other cheek is simply do not seek revenge
and do not hold grudges. In Romans 12:17, Paul reiterates this sentiment in, “Repay
no one evil for evil.” And in verse 41, Jesus is speaking of carrying the gear of
Roman soldiers under occupation, as the soldiers would force the Jews to carry their
gear for them. Jesus is not concerned with rebellions and warfare’s of men. What
is it for you to meddle in the affairs of the disputes of men when the kingdom of
righteousness waits ahead? Set aside your petty disputes.
Jesus is freeing people from the legal system. He is unchaining them from the legalistic
system necessitated by the Hammurabi brutality. Jesus not only came to free man
from the Jewish Law, be he also came to free man from his own self-imposed socially
entrenched legal system. Of course, Jesus came for a few other reasons as well,
but that’s off-topic for this discussion! LOL!!! Jesus is, in essence, giving mankind
a clean slate to start over with and he is laying down a “firmly flexible” simple
system with which for them to start.
system necessitated by the Hammurabi brutality. Jesus not only came to free man
from the Jewish Law, be he also came to free man from his own self-imposed socially
entrenched legal system. Of course, Jesus came for a few other reasons as well,
but that’s off-topic for this discussion! LOL!!! Jesus is, in essence, giving mankind
a clean slate to start over with and he is laying down a “firmly flexible” simple
system with which for them to start.
Just think of how much more simple life would be if no one begrudged anyone, if
no one demanded revenge, if no one demanded retribution, if everyone were kind to
everyone regardless of how they were treated, if everyone willingly helped everyone
regardless of who they were, and if you always spoke kind words to each other regardless
of what was said to you, and if everyone walked on that extra mile for each other…
no one demanded revenge, if no one demanded retribution, if everyone were kind to
everyone regardless of how they were treated, if everyone willingly helped everyone
regardless of who they were, and if you always spoke kind words to each other regardless
of what was said to you, and if everyone walked on that extra mile for each other…
Heavenly Father, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, Most Forgiving, Most Loving,
Your Love Shines upon the Earth, Filling Everything and Everyone with Blessed Life
Your Holy Words are so Inspiring, Guiding, and Appreciated
Great Almighty Creator of All the Universes, it is You that I Worship, The One True
God
God
I ask Heavenly Father, that You Lead and Guide us as we Travel Through Life
I Pray Dear God for the Strength to Always be Ready, Willing, and Able to Walk that
Extra Mile
Extra Mile
For it is in The Name of The Almighty God I do Pray and Ask These Things,
Amen.
>ð|~@-@~|ð<
Thank God That God Has Two Hands!
Thank God That God Has Two Hands!
Dear Heavenly Father, You are so Gracious, so Merciful,
so Forgiving, so Wise, so Loving, so Bountiful in Your Blessings.
So Tender is Your Touch and yet so Mighty and so Powerful is the Strength of Your
Comforting Hands…
Comforting Hands…
Carrying His tiny, delicate children across the dangerous abyss of darkness they
so often face,
so often face,
taking on the woes, burdens, worries, troubles, and difficulties of His People as
they freely turn them over into His Hands, into Those same Powerfully Gentle hands.
they freely turn them over into His Hands, into Those same Powerfully Gentle hands.
And even when the tiny children perceive that they have slipped through the fingers
of Your Hand because this or that has gone wrong and not in their way, and they
feel they have been made to suffer in the flesh;
of Your Hand because this or that has gone wrong and not in their way, and they
feel they have been made to suffer in the flesh;
They fail to realize that Your OTHER Blessed Hand is beneath them in the end to
catch them after all! They fail to realize that God’s OTHER hand was there all along,
right there protecting them, ready to “save them” should they fall.
catch them after all! They fail to realize that God’s OTHER hand was there all along,
right there protecting them, ready to “save them” should they fall.
Perhaps they doubted. Perhaps they did not reach out to catch hold of, to grab,
to touch God’s Hand, but be Firm in your faith in God tiny children, for He will
NEVER let you down. You must ALWAYS TRUST GOD!
to touch God’s Hand, but be Firm in your faith in God tiny children, for He will
NEVER let you down. You must ALWAYS TRUST GOD!
So if you did not quite make it on that first trip, you can Trust that God will
use his second Hand to catch you in the end before you fall because God really is
always there for you.
use his second Hand to catch you in the end before you fall because God really is
always there for you.
If you perceive that you are or have been made to suffer, add to your perception
that this is only a temporary, earthly life, and once you are caught by God’s other
hand, a whole new beginning awaits you, free from all the sorrows, pains, and burdens
of this earthly life.
that this is only a temporary, earthly life, and once you are caught by God’s other
hand, a whole new beginning awaits you, free from all the sorrows, pains, and burdens
of this earthly life.
If you perceive that you missed God’s first hand, think back through your life of
all the times that God’s second hand HAS intervened, at all the possibilities where
things could have been worse but weren’t.
all the times that God’s second hand HAS intervened, at all the possibilities where
things could have been worse but weren’t.
Just think of all the wondrously amazing perceptible possibilities that are opened
up, just by letting God have not One, but TWO Hands!!!
up, just by letting God have not One, but TWO Hands!!!
When all the rhetoric gets boiled down though, simply remember that relationships
are based upon Love and Trust. You must Always Love AND Trust in God and in that
God will take care of you, and not let you down, and that God will “save you,” that
God will “catch you” in the end when it’s all said and done.
are based upon Love and Trust. You must Always Love AND Trust in God and in that
God will take care of you, and not let you down, and that God will “save you,” that
God will “catch you” in the end when it’s all said and done.
God simply says, “I gotcha” with you safely in His Loving, Gracious, Merciful, Blessed,
Trusting Hand.
Trusting Hand.
I thank You God of All Creation for having me as a friend.
I Love You God.
I Trust You God.
I Love and Trust You God unquestionably.
You Truly are an Awesome God!
Amen.
>ð|~@-@~|ð<
The Zone is Eating The Sky
The Zone is Eating The Sky
When I get overheated, I go into,“The Zone.”
When I’m stuck in a stuffy room, I go into, “The Zone.”
When I get confused, or flustered, or suffer brain-overload, I go into, “The Zone.”
When my stress levels grow beyond the critical breaking point, I go into, “The Zone.”
When I’m stuck in a stuffy room, I go into, “The Zone.”
When I get confused, or flustered, or suffer brain-overload, I go into, “The Zone.”
When my stress levels grow beyond the critical breaking point, I go into, “The Zone.”
What is “The Zone?” Medically speaking, it is a period of, “slow brain wave activity.”
Huh? Well, that’s when Tedd’s eyes get all glassy; he gets stupid and can’t understand
anything, even simple concepts, can’t understand simple speech and cannot speak
clearly himself, is unable to use the correct words or even knows what words to
use. It can be pretty damn funny sometimes! …and pretty damn frustrating at other
times, especially for Sheri!
Huh? Well, that’s when Tedd’s eyes get all glassy; he gets stupid and can’t understand
anything, even simple concepts, can’t understand simple speech and cannot speak
clearly himself, is unable to use the correct words or even knows what words to
use. It can be pretty damn funny sometimes! …and pretty damn frustrating at other
times, especially for Sheri!
What is The Zone? The Zone is like you are whacked out of your mind on some kind
of mind-altering drug! I have no need for drugs. That’s been something that I’ve
joked to my friends about for years. If I wanted to buy drugs, I would no longer
have to because my brain makes drugs for me for free! LOL!!!
Everyone is just jealous 😉
of mind-altering drug! I have no need for drugs. That’s been something that I’ve
joked to my friends about for years. If I wanted to buy drugs, I would no longer
have to because my brain makes drugs for me for free! LOL!!!
Everyone is just jealous 😉
Sheri sent this in an email to me today and it appears that Mr. Owly is in The Zone
TOO! LOL!!! :o)
TOO! LOL!!! :o)
>ð|~@-@~|ð<
Tedd Got a New Dew
Tedd Got a New Dew
When I was a young child, my Mom cut my hair. I hated getting my hair cut.
When I was growing up, my Dad always dictated how my hair should be cut. I hated
having to keep my hair cut so freaking short.
Now, there was a short, few years in High School when my parents let me go through
my “angst phase.” I had my orange hair punk phase with the sides shaved and I let
the front grow down to my chin. We were all freaks back then. I had my “skater hair”
phase when I got into skate boarding heavily where me and my buddies pretty much
took shears and hacked up each other’s hair trying to get that modish shaggy bowl
cut, but of course, we kept it covered most of the time with knotted up dew rags.
But you know I was never quite satisfied with any of those dues either because I
was mostly going along with the crowd.
When I graduated High School, I went direction into the Army for Four Years. Well,
I wore everything from the “Standard Shaved Head,” to the 1/8th of an inch “Screaming
Eagle,” to the “Ranger Roll Horseshoe,” to the “Short-Timer’s Pushing-The-Reg’s-Limit
Bushy” haircut. During my post-brainwashing time after Basic Training, Advanced
Individual Training, Cryptography School, and Electronic Warfare Combat Signals
Intelligence Training, I did rather enjoy the Ranger Roll. It looked slick, cool,
hardcore, but as the brainwashing wore off and I returned to a more normal human
thinking person, I began to see it as a rather stupid looking super-short haircut.
After my Four Years of Service, I entered into the Workforce in the South. Well,
the business workforce in the South has no place for freedom of expression in men’s
hair. Nope, in the South, A Man wears his hair “cropped” short and kept neat. So,
again I was relegated to following someone else’s rules as to how to keep my hair
cut, how to style it.
Well, in 2002 Sheri and I moved to the land of Free Love, Sex, Drugs, and Rock-n-Roll.
Yep, we moved to Anaheim, about 4 blocks from Disneyland with a beautiful view of
the Disneyland nightly fireworks show! I got a respectable high-level IT job working
for a mid-size half a billion dollar a year company that was growing fast. I walked
in and I was well dressed and had nice short East Coast hair. And there were people
everywhere dressed sloppily and with long messy hair and I was shocked!!! My BOSS
even had a pony tail, but he kept it very tight, very clean and neatly kept, very
professional looking and he always dressed very, very professionally, so the pony
tail could obviously be forgiven and overlooked. However, other than him, all of
the people in power, the Managers, the Directors, the Vice Presidents, and the Presidents,
all kept their hair like mine and they all wore suits, East Coast Style. So yeah,
I “could” grow my hair out and wear it any way that I liked, IF I didn’t care about
making a good impression, IF I had no aspirations, IF I had no drive to move ahead,
because as far as the eye could see, none of “those free love dirty hippies” filled
any of those positions. SO, yet again, I was forced to keep my hair short and neatly
styled.
When Multiple Sclerosis, Unknown Neurological Disorder, Dementia, ADHD, and 4 Disc
Protrusions (10mm, 5mm, 3mm, 3mm) finally beat me, and I had fought hard, very hard,
fought successfully too I might add, for 6 YEARS, and I was forced to retire early
from the job that was the best job that I had ever had in my entire life, I decided
things were going to change. I figured that I was now 38 years old and I had NEVER,
in my ENTIRE LIFE been able to grow my hair the way that I wanted to grow it. Hell!
I don’t even know what my own hair looks like even! I said Fuck It! I’m going to
just grow my hair out like a wild man. I had a vision of John the Baptist and I’ve
clung to that image ever since and not let go.
It’s been growing now for a year and just last week I relented and let Sheri take
me to her fancy Newport Beach Salon Stylist to give me back my blond highlights.
I do have to admit that I have very much missed my blond highlights. And she trimmed
off all my split ends, but other than that, she didn’t cut 1 inch off of my hair.
My original intention was to have it layered and cut a little shorter or something,
but after she got her hands on my hair, she didn’t want to cut it – she just wanted
to trim the split ends, show me a little how to style it, give me some Moroccan
Oil to put in it, for some unknown and as yet understood reason by me, and gave
me some tips and sent me out the door and told me to practice and come back and
see her in a couple months.
Now me, I’m thinking Farrah Faucet meets John the Baptist.
All Sheri see’s is Barry Gibb.
Nice.
I’m not sure where she get’s her idea’s from because I just can’t see the similarities…
>ð|~@-@~|ð<
That Old Man Devil Comes a Creeping
That Old Man Devil Comes a Creeping
This is a Devotional that the United Church of Christ sent out to everyone who had
signed up to receive their daily devotionals. This is a repost of their April 02,
2011 posting:
signed up to receive their daily devotionals. This is a repost of their April 02,
2011 posting:
“I Met Jesus and My Life Is Not Better”
Excerpt from John 9: 8 – 9
“The neighbors and those who had seen him before as a beggar began to ask, ‘Is this
not the man who used to sit and beg?’ Some were saying, ‘It is he.’ Others were
saying, ‘No, but it is someone like him.’ He kept saying, ‘I am the man.’”
not the man who used to sit and beg?’ Some were saying, ‘It is he.’ Others were
saying, ‘No, but it is someone like him.’ He kept saying, ‘I am the man.’”
Reflection by Anthony B. Robinson
What happens to someone who is touched and changed by Jesus?
When I watch a religious TV show or listen to some personal testimonies, it seems
that after meeting Jesus everything is better. “Jesus came into my life and now
business is great, my wife and I are super in love, and the kids, who were on drugs,
are getting straight A’s. Thank you, Jesus.”
that after meeting Jesus everything is better. “Jesus came into my life and now
business is great, my wife and I are super in love, and the kids, who were on drugs,
are getting straight A’s. Thank you, Jesus.”
It may be that way for some people. But I’m struck by what happened to the blind
beggar, in John 9, who was touched and healed by Jesus. He got healed and his neighbors
no longer knew him. His parents disowned him. And he was kicked out of the church.
If he’d given a testimony it might have been, “Yes, I was healed by Jesus and my
life turned into a mess. People I’d known for a long time acted as if they didn’t
know me, my family didn’t want anything to do with me, and the authorities threatened
to arrest me.”
I imagine his testimony might continue. “Yes, since meeting Jesus my life is harder
in many ways. But, you know, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because now I see.
I see how afraid many people are, how afraid I was. Afraid to tell the truth, afraid
to live, afraid to take any risks. It’s like we’re blind. It makes me sad. But I
don’t want to go back.”
Being touched and blessed by Jesus may not mean our lives are suddenly successful,
as society defines success. Jesus may make life harder, but in ways that matter.
He gives us problems worth having. And when we experience hard things on his account,
that is when we come to really know him.
Prayer
When you open my eyes to see by the light of your truth and grace, Lord, grant me
the courage to keep ‘em open. Amen.
the courage to keep ‘em open. Amen.
Author: Anthony B. Robinson, a United Church of Christ minister
For the past 3 weeks, I’ve been having a tough spiritual time. When I say, “tough,”
I mean that “the devil” has been tempting me, trying to get at me, trying to distract
me, trying to draw me away from God. When I want to read my Devotional, a little
thought will pop into my head to try to distract me to do something else. Sometimes
a strong urge to go off and do something else will enter my mind trying to draw
me away from picking up my Bible to read The Word when I feel The Holy Spirit calling
to me to pick it up. When I wake up in the morning, I hear the tender, gentle, quiet
voice of The Spirit calling me softly to pick up my study Bible and read John 9,
or James 2, to just randomly flip through 2 Corinthians, or to read Habakkuk (and
I don’t even know what Habakkuk is!), and then I will feel that old man devil trying
to distract me and pull me away.
I mean that “the devil” has been tempting me, trying to get at me, trying to distract
me, trying to draw me away from God. When I want to read my Devotional, a little
thought will pop into my head to try to distract me to do something else. Sometimes
a strong urge to go off and do something else will enter my mind trying to draw
me away from picking up my Bible to read The Word when I feel The Holy Spirit calling
to me to pick it up. When I wake up in the morning, I hear the tender, gentle, quiet
voice of The Spirit calling me softly to pick up my study Bible and read John 9,
or James 2, to just randomly flip through 2 Corinthians, or to read Habakkuk (and
I don’t even know what Habakkuk is!), and then I will feel that old man devil trying
to distract me and pull me away.
Sadly, I have to admit, he sometimes wins. I am human and I am weak. I pray to God
for strength. I pray to God for wisdom. I pray to God for help to discern The Word
from the pen of man. I pray to God for guidance and perseverance. I pray to God
to help me follow Jesus, to follow The Word, to be a Good Man, a Disciple of God.
I pray for my family, friends, church, and others as well that lay heavy upon my
heart. I pray to give and offer thanksgiving and to show my gratitude to God. I
pray to let God know that I really do appreciate everything that He’s done for me
and my family and friends. I pray to give praise to God. I pray to worship and give
glory and honor to God. I pray. I pray.
I have fallen from the grace of God and have returned into the light of God several
times over my lifetime. I know that when I am close to God, the devil attacks and
tries his best to distract me and draw me away from God. He does his very best to
throw everything he can in my way to prevent me from staying close to God, and from
getting closer to God. When you are in a relationship, ANY relationship, you have
to work at it in order to keep that relationship alive, flourishing, active, and
growing. In order to grow that relationship even deeper, you have to put even more
effort into it and the same thing goes for your relationship with God. Once you
pull your head out of your ass and see the light of God and form that relationship
with God, you have to keep working at it, daily, hourly, just like a marriage, EXACTLY
like a marriage, EXACTLY LIKE A MARRIAGE!
When I am not in a relationship with God, I can pick up the Bible and read it at
will and put it down and go on my way. To the contrary, when I am in a relationship
with God, and especially as that relationship buds, grows, and begins to flourish.
Old man devil begins to find increasingly and increasingly more and more of life’s
difficulties to throw in my path to prevent me and distract me from working on that
relationship. That old man devil does his best to kick good old Tedd’s ADHD into
high fucking gear, throw his dementia into a tailspin of confusion and mindless
wandering through the house looking for things and forgetting what he’s looking
for but continuing to look in hopes that he will find it anyway and just hours of
staring, lost in his own muddled muddied thoughts, and even the most hard fought,
prayer-filled attempts at reading a few scriptures become an epic battle of wills.
I feel like a battleground between God and the devil sometimes! LOL!!!
Fortunately, I have God on my side and the Power of The Holy Spirit to lead and guide me and
I am usually able to latch onto a few coherent scriptures, or if I am lucky, able
to make it through an entire book so that I can return later and begin to actually
study that book. It is slow and steady work, involving a lot of repetition, but
that’s mostly my own fault since I INSIST upon reading the same Books in the Bible
from half a dozen different translations! Ah, Overly Anal-Retentive Tedd Strikes
Again!!!
SO, I return, stubborn and bull-headed as ever. I pray more, I read my devotionals,
I pray, I read the Bible, I pray, I study the Bible, I pray, and all the while that
old man devil is doing everything within his power to destroy and inhibit the growth
of my newfound relationship with God. When “I found God” did anything in my life
suddenly get better? Nope. Did anything gradually get better? Nope. In fact, everything
has pretty much stayed exactly like it was, or has gotten worse. And to TOP IT OFF,
my quality of life has gotten a WHOLE LOT WORSE in the past 3 weeks because that
old man devil has been at full speed ahead trying to interject the speed of life,
those problems and duties of living in our Über-Fast-Paced California lifestyles,
and my myriad of illnesses into my God-Relationship-Building Time. “GRBT” 😉
Sometimes I still doubt my faith, but here recently, too many strange (for different
blogs) ‘things’ and patterns have been emerging, both from the various Bibles I
read and from the various concordances and studies I read which make me think that
I may be on the right track, or I may be stark raving mad. It is one of those two,
but definitely nowhere in the middle from the patterns I am seeing. I am a master of
patterns – it is data; I am data; we are one -> analyzing data patterns is what
I have been doing since 1986 (hacker/phreaker/cracker, then crypto Military Intelligence
National Security Agency, then data load pattern analysis for optimal “data” flow
through major hubs on IBM mainframes, then I went freelance data analysis/data workflow/complex
patterns for 4 years, then I went as in-house data/patterns/x-systems/’plausible
deniability hacker’ for 8 years)…so A LOT more of my brain is going to have to die
off before my “Bio Pattern Recognition Engine” is knocked out of commission! LOL!!!
But still, I am not the sharpest light bulb anymore, or the brightest thumbtack,
and my confidence is weakened by my current state, so I still doubt my faith sometimes,
regardless of what stands before me. This is mostly because I lack the benefit of
a PHD in Theology and am lacking the full knowledgebase, the full dataset from which
to draw my conclusions…
I see others who have found Jesus. Praise God! Their lives turn around. Their health
improves. Their marriage rebounds. They get new, high-paying jobs so they’re not
living paycheck to paycheck anymore. They found Jesus and apparently Jesus found
them and brought a bag full of “here’s an easy life for you now my Son” with him.
Yeah, I’m a little bitter over that sometimes. I’m human, but I pray for strength
to not feel that way and it helps take that anger out of my heart and replace it
with warmth and gladness and joy for them for being blessed.
I on the other hand, without fail, without fail EVER, when I find Jesus, well my
life turns into a stinking pile of shit.
It feels more different this time than it has ever felt before though. I feel hope.
I still feel blessed no matter how bad of things come my way. I still turn to God.
I still have the Love of God, the Faith in God in my heart and an unquenchable desire
to be as close to God as I can be this time. I think that old man devil is just
wasting his time. He may slow me down, but he will never break up my relationship
with God.
Praise be to God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, oft Forgiving. Amen.
>ð|~@-@~|ð<
Toe Head Tedd
teddwebb 