teddwebb

Shit happens every day, but it can always be wiped away…

Archive for the category “Status”

06 May 2011

The Zone is Eating The Sky

The Zone is Eating The Sky

When I get overheated, I go into,“The Zone.”

When I’m stuck in a stuffy room, I go into, “The Zone.”

When I get confused, or flustered, or suffer brain-overload, I go into, “The Zone.”

When my stress levels grow beyond the critical breaking point, I go into, “The Zone.”

What is “The Zone?” Medically speaking, it is a period of, “slow brain wave activity.”
Huh? Well, that’s when Tedd’s eyes get all glassy; he gets stupid and can’t understand
anything, even simple concepts, can’t understand simple speech and cannot speak
clearly himself, is unable to use the correct words or even knows what words to
use. It can be pretty damn funny sometimes! …and pretty damn frustrating at other
times, especially for Sheri!

What is The Zone? The Zone is like you are whacked out of your mind on some kind
of mind-altering drug! I have no need for drugs. That’s been something that I’ve
joked to my friends about for years. If I wanted to buy drugs, I would no longer
have to because my brain makes drugs for me for free! LOL!!!

Everyone is just jealous 😉

Sheri sent this in an email to me today and it appears that Mr. Owly is in The Zone
TOO! LOL!!! :o)


The Zone

 

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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22 Apr 2011

Tedd Got a New Dew

Tedd Got a New Dew

When I was a young child, my Mom cut my hair. I hated getting my hair cut.

When I was growing up, my Dad always dictated how my hair should be cut. I hated
having to keep my hair cut so freaking short.

Now, there was a short, few years in High School when my parents let me go through
my “angst phase.” I had my orange hair punk phase with the sides shaved and I let
the front grow down to my chin. We were all freaks back then. I had my “skater hair”
phase when I got into skate boarding heavily where me and my buddies pretty much
took shears and hacked up each other’s hair trying to get that modish shaggy bowl
cut, but of course, we kept it covered most of the time with knotted up dew rags.
But you know I was never quite satisfied with any of those dues either because I
was mostly going along with the crowd.

When I graduated High School, I went direction into the Army for Four Years. Well,
I wore everything from the “Standard Shaved Head,” to the 1/8th of an inch “Screaming
Eagle,” to the “Ranger Roll Horseshoe,” to the “Short-Timer’s Pushing-The-Reg’s-Limit
Bushy” haircut. During my post-brainwashing time after Basic Training, Advanced
Individual Training, Cryptography School, and Electronic Warfare Combat Signals
Intelligence Training, I did rather enjoy the Ranger Roll. It looked slick, cool,
hardcore, but as the brainwashing wore off and I returned to a more normal human
thinking person, I began to see it as a rather stupid looking super-short haircut.

After my Four Years of Service, I entered into the Workforce in the South. Well,
the business workforce in the South has no place for freedom of expression in men’s
hair. Nope, in the South, A Man wears his hair “cropped” short and kept neat. So,
again I was relegated to following someone else’s rules as to how to keep my hair
cut, how to style it.

Well, in 2002 Sheri and I moved to the land of Free Love, Sex, Drugs, and Rock-n-Roll.
Yep, we moved to Anaheim, about 4 blocks from Disneyland with a beautiful view of
the Disneyland nightly fireworks show! I got a respectable high-level IT job working
for a mid-size half a billion dollar a year company that was growing fast. I walked
in and I was well dressed and had nice short East Coast hair. And there were people
everywhere dressed sloppily and with long messy hair and I was shocked!!! My BOSS
even had a pony tail, but he kept it very tight, very clean and neatly kept, very
professional looking and he always dressed very, very professionally, so the pony
tail could obviously be forgiven and overlooked. However, other than him, all of
the people in power, the Managers, the Directors, the Vice Presidents, and the Presidents,
all kept their hair like mine and they all wore suits, East Coast Style. So yeah,
I “could” grow my hair out and wear it any way that I liked, IF I didn’t care about
making a good impression, IF I had no aspirations, IF I had no drive to move ahead,
because as far as the eye could see, none of “those free love dirty hippies” filled
any of those positions. SO, yet again, I was forced to keep my hair short and neatly
styled.

When Multiple Sclerosis, Unknown Neurological Disorder, Dementia, ADHD, and 4 Disc
Protrusions (10mm, 5mm, 3mm, 3mm) finally beat me, and I had fought hard, very hard,
fought successfully too I might add, for 6 YEARS, and I was forced to retire early
from the job that was the best job that I had ever had in my entire life, I decided
things were going to change. I figured that I was now 38 years old and I had NEVER,
in my ENTIRE LIFE been able to grow my hair the way that I wanted to grow it. Hell!
I don’t even know what my own hair looks like even! I said Fuck It! I’m going to
just grow my hair out like a wild man. I had a vision of John the Baptist and I’ve
clung to that image ever since and not let go.

It’s been growing now for a year and just last week I relented and let Sheri take
me to her fancy Newport Beach Salon Stylist to give me back my blond highlights.
I do have to admit that I have very much missed my blond highlights. And she trimmed
off all my split ends, but other than that, she didn’t cut 1 inch off of my hair.
My original intention was to have it layered and cut a little shorter or something,
but after she got her hands on my hair, she didn’t want to cut it – she just wanted
to trim the split ends, show me a little how to style it, give me some Moroccan
Oil to put in it, for some unknown and as yet understood reason by me, and gave
me some tips and sent me out the door and told me to practice and come back and
see her in a couple months.

Now me, I’m thinking Farrah Faucet meets John the Baptist.

All Sheri see’s is Barry Gibb.

Nice.

I’m not sure where she get’s her idea’s from because I just can’t see the similarities…

Any Resemblance?

 

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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14 Jan 2011

January 14, 2011

January 14, 2010

652…Walking…

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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05 Jan 2011
1 Comment

No Cab Rides…

Sheri always has the right words to console me. 

She simply sent me an email that said, “Psalm 91 is a good read.”  Yeah, no Cab Rides today, and probably never will be any Cab Rides, but DAMN IT, I Freakin Hurt and I need to VENT and I want the pain to stop!

 

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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05 Jan 2011

The End Is Really HERE ? ? ?

The End Is REALLY HERE! Bring Out Your FREAKIN DEAD PEOPLE!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/05/dead-birds-fall-from-sky-_n_804591.html

 

“Millions of dead fish surfaced in Maryland’s Chesapeake Bay in the U.S., Tuesday, while similar unexplained mass fish deaths occurred across the world in Brazil and New Zealand. On Wednesday, 50 birds were found dead on a street in Sweden. The news come after recent reports of mysterious massive bird and fish deaths days prior in Arkansas and Louisiana.

The Baltimore Sun reports that an estimated 2 million fish were found dead in the Chesapeake Bay, mostly adult spot with some juvenile croakers in the mix, as well. Maryland Department of the Environment spokesperson Dawn Stoltzfus says "cold-water stress" is believed to be the culprit. She told The Sun that similar large winter fish deaths were documented in 1976 and 1980.

ParanaOnline reports that 100 tons of sardines, croaker and catfish have washed up in Brazilian fishing towns since last Thursday. The cause of the deaths is unknown, with an imbalance in the environment, chemical pollution, or accidental release from a fishing boat all suggested by local officials.

In New Zealand, hundreds of dead snapper fish washed up on Coromandel Peninsula beaches, many found with their eyes missing, The New Zealand Herald reports. A Department of Conservation official allegedly claims the fish were starving due to weather conditions.”

OK, W T F ? ? ?

I have a couple theories. It’s kinda like assholes; everyone has one! LOL!!!

Let’s get “Old School Biblical” on this bad boy…The Sixth Seal was opened and there were a bunch of earthquakes. Well, in the past few years, there have a buttload of earthquakes and almost a million people have died, millions more injured, countless millions lost their jobs and made to suffer, billions of dollars lost which ultimately made people suffer due to economic impact…the Sun turned black…On August 1, 2010, an entire hemisphere of the sun erupted. NASA has no idea the impact on the solar system….the stars of heaven fell to earth…there’s a close earth asteroid headed straight for us and NASA Scientists “think” it’s going to miss us by less than 30 miles, hopefully, they “think”…The First Trumpet…the earth was burned up and all the green grass was burned up…well the entire planet’s temperature is rising and we are all in a serious drought and people are starving to death…The Second Trumpet…a great mountain ablaze…wasn’t there some strange volcano that erupted and covered the earth in ash and stopped all air traffic in Europe?…The Third Trumpet…Wormwood made the waters bitter…millions of fish ending up dead in the seas all over the world???

Now let’s go “Conspiracy Theory” on it…mwahahahahaha…Government Cover Up…there’s big money controlling the government and there’s been more poison leaked into the ocean and an accident into the atmosphere that the government is covering up so that Big Business wont suffer any losses in revenue and so that the government wont be forced to spend any more money on any “clean up projects”…Scalar Electromagnetic Weapons using Longitudinal Scalar Waves similar to the ones that the Soviet KGB created back in the 60’s and that the CIA has developed that extract energy from empty space and can possibly destroy the entire planet if not properly used or if they fall into the wrong hands, and OUR Government, I think the Secretary of Defense actually gave a speech on the threat of terrorism using these type of weapons and that we must take every effort to protect ourselves against them – that bill was not voted into law by Congress…Weather Modifying Weapons…For the 2008 Olympics, China had 30 airplanes, 4,000 rocket launchers, and 7,000 anti-aircraft guns to stop rain. Each system would shoot various chemicals into any threatening clouds to shrink rain drops before they reach the stadium – granted, that’s pretty low-tech, but have you ever heard of the Weather Mitigation Advisory and Research Board?…it was a second bill that was voted down, but many believe that Bush moved forward with it anyway so they could research weather control, for things such as hail cannons (all those birds look like they were pummeled with hail???)…or what about HAARP?… The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) is an

“ionospheric research program jointly funded by the US Air Force, the US Navy, the University of Alaska and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA). Its purpose is to analyze the ionosphere and investigate the potential for developing ionospheric enhancement technology for radio communications and surveillance purposes (such as missile detection). The HAARP program operates a major Arctic facility, known as the HAARP Research Station, on an Air Force owned site near Gakona, Alaska. The most prominent instrument at the HAARP Station is the Ionospheric Research Instrument (IRI), a high power radio frequency transmitter facility operating in the high frequency (HF) band. The IRI is used to temporarily excite a limited area of the ionosphere. Other instruments, such as a VHF and a UHF radar, a fluxgate magnetometer, a digisonde and an induction magnetometer, are used to study the physical processes that occur in the excited region”

…I’m not really sure about messing around with our ionosphere, a fundamental protective layer of our planet, but hey, that’s just me…

So, the way I see it…

THE END IS NEAR!!!

OR

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING!!!

OR

THEY ARE OUT TO GET ME MAN!!!

OR

SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH!!!

 

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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04 Jan 2011

THE END IS NEAR

The End Is Near!

THE END IS NEAR!  BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!  THE END IS NEAR!!  LOL!!!

 

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/03/what-made-thousands-of-birds-fall-from-the-sky/?hpt=T2

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/04/birds-fall-from-sky-louisiana_n_804196.html

Seriously though, I’m a bit freaked out Man!

12/26/2004: India: We have that MASSIVE earthquake that causes that MASSIVE tsunami that kills around 275,000 people in India, 128,000 people still "missing" (aka dead), 1.5 million people left homeless

12/26/2004: Sunda Trench, Simeulue Island (near epicenter of earthquake): 6,300 people killed by that earthquake that CAUSED that tsunami and 4,600 people still "missing" (aka dead), about 1,000 people killed in total along the 22 misc tiny, little islands and Japan (mostly children tourists), and about 8,000 people left homeless and 5,000 boats (jobs) destroyed

12/26/2004: Near Northern Sumatra (very close to epicenter), (Sri Lanka: 35,300 killed, 5,700 “missing” (aka dead), 23,000 people injured, 648,000 left homeless), (Thailand: 47,000 people killed, 2,800 people “missing” (aka dead), 8,500 people injured, 7,000 people left homeless), (Somalia + Burma + Malaysia + Tanzania + South Africa + Yemen + Kenya: 54,000 people killed, 45,000 people “missing” (aka dead), 125,000 people injured, 1.7 MILLION left homeless)

10/08/2005: Pakistan, 86,000 people killed, 69,000 injured, 4.5 Million left homeless

05/12/2008: Eastern Sichuan, China, 88,000 people killed, 5 MILLION people left homeless, 5.4 Million buildings (schools, hospitals, jobs) destroyed, 45 million people effected, 86 BILLION dollars in damage

01/12/2010: Haiti Region: 222,600 people killed, 300,000 people injured, 1.3 Million people left homeless

01/01/2010: Beebe, Arkansas: about 5,000 birds mysteriously drop dead from the sky for no reason. The government sends out CDC in sealed White Suits to pick up the birds and tells the residents to not drink the water, but that there’s really nothing wrong with the water. The government is telling the people obviously ridiculous reasons for the birds deaths

01/04/2010: Louisiana, a highway and area near Pointe Coupee Parish, 300 miles south of Beebe, some 500 birds just drop dead from the sky, most over a half mile stretch of freeway, apparently from some type of trauma

01/04/2010: 100 Miles from Beebe, Arkansas: about 100,000 fish suddenly die for no apparent reason

01/04/2010: Gilbertsville, Kentucky: Hundreds of birds fall dead from the sky for no apparent reason

2012:  One of the most accurate calendar that Man has ever created, ENDS

I got so freaked out this morning that I grabbed my Bible and I read Revelations again…for like the 30th time. It’s a toss up between Job and Revelations as to which one I’ve read the most times. It seems that for me, the Bible only consists of two Books: Job and Revelations…that sorta fits my life fairly well too. I guess that’s why I like reading those two Books. I think I’ve read Job more than Revelations though. I know that I’ve actually STUDIED Job more than Revelations. I read Revelations like a Book in the Bible. I STUDY Job. I LOVE Job. I ADMIRE Job.

Anyway, THE END IS NEAR!!!

 

Tedd

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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11 Nov 2010

Treasure Your Cherished Memories

Relish in and Hold on to the Fond Memories You Have with your Loved Ones as Long as you can because you never know when something will happen that will start stealing and stripping your treasured and most cherished memories away.
If you have a Fond Story, then take a few moments and write that Fond Story down so that it can never be forgotten or lost. Write down your Funny Stories or Real-World Lessons for your Future Generations to have something tangible to hold on to. There is a reason Man stopped telling stories ONLY and developed WRITING and began to ALSO WRITE their STORIES down.
This one is just criminal. I have personally known a handful of people who have had “secret recipes” that they never wrote down and never passed on to anyone. For some reason, they were waiting on something. Waiting on what? They all have passed on and instead of being able to make their recipe’s and enjoy them and sit and talk about and remember that person and how much better theirs always was and tell our favorite stories about that person, that person is instead occasionally mentioned. Often, in the context of “remember the blank that so-and-so used to make? I wished they’d written that down.”
If you have a “secret recipe” or a “family recipe,” then take a box of index cards, or get one of those blank books, and just start writing down the recipes and keeping that book with all your other recipe books. No one says that you have to Share that book or those recipes with anyone. However, when you have passed on, it would be nice to have many people making your recipes and remembering you and talking about fond memories of you, than having you occasionally mentioned, and then with a twinge of frustration and anger because you were too stupid and stubborn to share something beautiful with the world, to share your creative genius and artwork with your close friends and family so that a little more of you lives on with them. Or let one of your children or relatives come and visit you from time and time and teach them the recipes and let them write them down if you always just make them and don’t have an actual recipe – that way SOMEONE will know how to make them!
Share your beauty and your legacy with your loved ones left behind and stop being selfish!
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09 Nov 2010

I Love Cooking

I love cooking. Yesterday was a messed up day. I spent half of yesterday in and out of “the void” and there is a haunting terror of the void that I have come to realize that I am not ready to discuss yet, but that is for a different day. Today, we are talking about cooking. Yesterday, Sheri and I made homemade Beef and Broccoli from scratch from the Dr. Phil Diet Cook Book. Oh My God! It Was Delicious!!!

When I am in the kitchen and I am hand slicing high-quality meat into tiny-thin slices, carefully chopping fresh vegetables and putting them into various bowls so that they are ready for when I need them, and measuring out my spices and either mixing them into a tiny glass bowl or into several little glass bowls for when I need them, it makes me feel alive and happy. I feel like I’m one of those Chef’s on Iron Chef in my Kitchen chopping vegetables and having all these various bowls and pots and pans full of various items all cooking at precise times to make the meal come out as perfect as I can make it. I like to use all fresh vegetables for flavoring and keep my spices to a minimum. I LOVE having colorful foods, and Bell Peppers add lots of color and crunchiness to food and when properly prepared, don’t really add or detract from the main flavor, or add any of the spice or the “heat” from a bell pepper.

Oh, and don’t even get me started with Jalapeno Peppers. I have to thank my Friend Norm for turning me onto Jalapeno Peppers. However, I’ve taken what he showed me to an entirely new level of cooking. Flash cooked, grilled, stewed, “no meat, light meat, full meat (and heat),” it doesn’t matter, because I have mastered the Jalapeno pepper. I have grown to love the Habanero Pepper as well (and the Bhut Jolokia – used in weapons). People just do not realize the sheer pleasure of the flavorful Habanero that they are missing because they are afraid of one of the world’s hottest pepper. Granted, it does take several attempts before one learns to properly “control” and “respect” the Habanero Pepper before one can deliciously use either flavor only, or heat and flavor, or flavor with a touch of heat in recipe’s, and always be sure to wear surgical gloves when handling Habanero’s to prevent accidental eye injuries!

Each week, I sit down with my cook books and I pick out 7 recipes and I make out my grocery list. I can’t carry groceries and Sheri works 12+ hours a day, so I order groceries online and have them delivered. It only costs $6 extra to have the groceries delivered right to my kitchen and it’s worth EVERY DIME!!! All I have to do is unbag them and put them up! Hell! It’s worth the 6 bucks just to not have to carry all the soda’s, water’s and milk up the stairs, let alone all the other groceries! LOL!!!

Did I mention that I love cooking?

 

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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09 Nov 2010

Ugly Bags of Mostly Water

I hate being me….an ugly sack filled mostly with water…

Sad smile

I was just floating, peacefully in a black void, not thinking, not dreaming.

Then all of a sudden, there was this frightening, scary rip in the fabric, the fluid I was floating in and I heard my voice, your voice, our voices mixed together.  It calmly said, "you need to get up and eat something…wake up and eat something…get up and eat something…" but I couldn’t understand those words at first, as if it was in a different language, a foreign language that I had never heard before because my brain wasn’t fully functional yet and I couldn’t process language so I didn’t fully understand what was being said at first but eventually I began to understand what was being repeated to me as the rip in the fabric got larger and I began to see an arm reaching towards me, trying to grab me and lift me up.

It was as if I was submerged in a thick, warm gooey fluid, but I could still breathe, but could barely hear and see and couldn’t understand the words coming out of the mouth of the person talking to me.  As the arm and hand got closer to me, I tried to reach out to the arm because it was trying to lift me out of the fluid.  It was my own arm and it was my own voice that I was hearing.  It was very surreal, but I was hearing my own voice and seeing my own self, my own arm reaching down towards me from above as I lay there, as if I was two people, one person submerged in a vat of thick "sensory deprivation liquid" and one person standing above me trying to lift me up and help me out of the fluid.

I heard myself saying over and over to wake up and to get up and to eat something.  But at first I didn’t understand what the voice was saying but I didn’t want to go with the voice because the fluid was so peaceful and calming and I wanted to stay, but the voice kept calling to me and the voice had a sense of urgency to it as if it was "very important" that I get up right then.  So I struggled and strained with all my strength.  It was so difficult and exhausting.  I reached up and grabbed the arm and the arm grabbed my hand and helped pull me up and out of the gooey darkness and into the light.

When I came up and into the light, I came into consciousness.  I was completely confused.  I was not where I had expected to be.  I was not where I had been in my last dream before I slipped into darkness.  Where am I?  I was afraid.  I didn’t know who I was.  What was my name?  Who am I?  What is this shell that I am trapped in?  How come I can only move these two arms and these two legs?  Why am I limited and confined within this shell? Where is soft shining light called Sheri?

And for the first few minutes after I "come back," I am in a half-n-half state of reality-hallucination.  I hear/see things that are not here and I don’t hear/see things that are here.  I look around the room and I see things that are not here and I talk to them.  I can’t walk and I can’t see clearly.  I can’t form coherent sentences.  Parts of my body are here one minute and are simply ‘gone’ the next minute.  It’s like I can feel my right arm and then all of a sudden, I can no longer feel my right arm or move my right arm, or it’s like I never even had a right arm, or like I was never born with a right arm, or like being born with a right arm would have been a freak of nature, so not having a right arm is normal.  It’s a very, very odd sensation.  And I can look down and I can’t see my right arm either!

Today, when I came to, I could see you sitting on your side of the couch and I could see me standing at the counter chugging water.  And I kept chanting over and over again, "I need to get up…I need to eat something…I’m going to get up and eat something…I need to get up…I’m getting up…I’m going to eat something…" and I kept looking around the room, but the bird cages where floating in the air and I couldn’t find my feet and I was so frustrated and scared but my legs wouldn’t move and the bird cages kept flying through the air and one of me kept standing and chugging water and telling me to get up and drink some water and I kept looking over and you and at my other self, but I couldn’t find my feet anywhere and I couldn’t move my legs at all and my damn face was numb as a son of a bitch, but that’s just me whining and nothing to do with my feet wondering off on their own!

Eventually, my eyes stopped moving around so much and I could focus.  When my eyes stopped twitching, you faded away and I realized that you weren’t there at all and I remembered that you went to work this morning.  I also realized that I was me and that I was not over there drinking water.  My legs started to tingle and hurt so bad, you have no fucking idea Babe.  The tingling was like when your legs go to sleep and then wake up, only like 100 times more painful.  Then my feet came back, with a vengeance – they were very, very angry at being detached for so long; they were very, very angry indeed!  A slow, painful, yet Novocain-like scalp numbing sensation crept up all over my head and I got a wicked, vicious headache and my eyes calmed down and the bird cages stopped flying around the room and went back to their normal positions in the room.  Everything was very blurry and I could hardly see.  Thank God For Spell Checker!!!

It’s taken me almost 2 hours to write this email.  I keep fading away and coming back to reality and continuing to write this email.  I only slip off into the darkness for a few minutes and when I "come back," it’s only for a few minutes and I’m not so confused, but I cant see and it takes about 5 minutes before my vision returns to normal enough for me to be able to type again and resume typing out this email and continuing on with it.  Thankfully, it’s only for a few minutes instead of an hour, so I don’t drift deeply into the void and "lose myself" so when I come back, I see this email in front of me and I remember what I was doing and I when my vision returns to normal, I read a little bit of this email and I remember what I was doing and then I can continue on with this email.  And this time, I’m actually AM going to get up and go freaking eat something!!!  And drink some damn water!!!

Star Trek had it right….Ugly Bags of Mostly Water…

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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04 Nov 2010

Tedd’s Freedom Run

Earlier this year, I was driving to work every day, working 12 hour days, and driving home. I would drive and do the Grocery Shopping. I like doing the grocery shopping. I always do a better job than Sheri. I always do most of the cooking too. I LOVE to cook! I also am TOTALLY ADDICTED to cooking shows on TV too! I can sit and watch Iron Chef all…day…long!!! And don’t even get me started on Cake Boss! Sheri is a Cake Boss Junkie! I think we have seen EVERY Cake Boss episode ever made.

A few months ago, I started noticing that I was having problems paying attention while driving and that I wasn’t quite able to process all the input coming at you while you’re driving. I’ve known that I have dementia for a long time. My Neurologist has known and Sheri has known, but no one ever wants to officially say it or tell it to your face until it’s pretty damn obvious to everyone that shit just ain’t right in your head anymore!

Anyway, I stopped driving for the most part and Sheri did most of the driving. Basically the only driving I did was short driving down to CVS and Albertsons (our grocery store), which are less than 1 mile away, and to the Bank and Home Depot, all within 5 miles. So all the driving I did was to places I always drove to; I always took the same routes and always went in the “slow traffic” part during the day.

Well, I started getting scared driving because I couldn’t pay attention to all the traffic around me, traffic lights, slowing down, taking off, dozing off while driving, daydreaming while driving, not being able to keep my car in my lane, and most of all, I kept having these episodes where all of a sudden I would have this realization, HOLY SHIT! I’M IN A CAR AND I’M DRIVING!!! WHERE AM I AND WHERE AM I GOING??? It was like I had woken up from a dream and when I woke up, instead of waking up in my bed, I woke up behind the wheel of a car speeding down the freeway at 80mph drifting over into another lane!!!

After the last scary episode, I swallowed a huge gulp of pride and decided that the risk of running over and killing a family full of little kids because I was too damn stubborn to stop driving just wasn’t worth it. So, I don’t have a car anymore and I’m a “shut-in” now.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, but I’m in a great deal of pain most of the time and am disabled so my options for going out and walking are limited. I can get out and walk a little in our complex, but there’s something rather depressing about walking around in a parking lot by yourself, afraid to walk too far from your house in case you start to have a seizure and need to get back home quickly, or in case you have a sudden wave of fatigue and almost collapse to the ground and can barely walk and need to be very close to your home otherwise you’ll just be stranded where you are until you gather your strength or until hours later when your wife gets home and can help carry/drag you back home.

Sheri and I looked into some inexpensive Respite care, but they’ve been unreliable, flakey and/or plain unavailable when we’ve needed them. I’ve joined half a dozen different “support groups” but I don’t quite “fit the profile” for most other people there so they can’t really relate to what I’m going through, or the sites are so flakey and slow to make them practically unusable.

Being a shut-in sucks. All of my friends are my co-workers. All of my co-workers live so far away from where I live to make driving to here impractical and I can’t go see them for lunch anymore now that I can’t drive and given the huge distance, they sure as hell can’t come pick me up for our “reunion lunches” anymore. Being a shut-in sucks bad! Sheri works long hours and doesn’t get home until around 6:30 PM almost every day! And she certainly doesn’t need to be burdened with having to take me out running to CVS and/or Albertsons to let me do my little errands and get my ‘out’ time.

Today, I tested out the “Tedd Freedom Run” to see if it was cost-effective and to see if it was feasible. I called a cab and had them take me down to my local CVS. I had them sit in the parking lot and wait on me while I went inside and browsed the few isles that I needed to in order to find the few items that I’d kept forgetting to order online because I didn’t quite know exactly what I wanted because I had to actually browse and see what was there.

Taxi Round-Trip From Home to CVS and Back: $30

Tedd’s Freedom from being a Shut-In: Priceless!

Today has been a very, VERY GOOD DAY!

Smile

 

>ð|~@-@~|ð<

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