teddwebb

I have felt the drawing. I have felt the calling. God has called on me for years and I have struggled and fought with God for years because “Tedd knows what is better for Tedd than God does,” or so “Tedd” had seemed to think that for years, until I gave in to God’s calling, his drawing. I know that it has taken a good toll on me, my resistance, my lifetime of resistance, but now that I have given in to God’s drawing, His calling, my life is much better, even though the mental and physical damage is already there and can never be undone. Well, I guess when they invent time travel, it could be undone! LOL!!! But because I have God’s presence in my life now, everything and anything is bearable. I have a loving and trusting relationship with God, one based upon Complete Love and Complete Trust.

…the drawing…



There can be Only ONE!

My story is not uncommon, or unique, or special. I have known, personally known over 30 preachers, pastors, ministers, whatever you want to call a “Man of God” (“Man” meaning mankind or person, so that includes women) in my lifetime. The common thread is that they too feel the calling, they feel the drawing from God, but they are not sure what that drawing is, at least they try to pretend or fool themselves into believing that they do not know what God wants them to do, but they really DO know what God is calling upon them to do. Then they deny that drawing because they are afraid, because it is TOO BIG, TOO MUCH for them to handle, to understand, to take on, and it is NOT what they had planned for their lives. God is asking them to shed everything and follow him down an uncertain, foggy path, when they already had clear plans laid out for their lives and that is a huge decision to make, and a scary decision to make; it is a leap of faith.

Many, like me, fight the drawing – that’s The Holy Spirit tugging at your shirt sleeve trying to get your attention – for varying lengths of time, going through ups and downs, usually living in a state of spiritual confusion, almost a type of self-inflicted Purgatory, if you would. For me, I know that I delved deeper and deeper into The Word, and I studied all other major religions, and I was like a virus, weaving my way throughout all the scriptures learning more and more, but still a virus, still sick inside. Everything I studied in the various worlds’ religions had common threads leading me back to God, always to God. And in the end the only way to obtain relief, to kill the virus, the sickness, was to accept The Holy Spirit, allow it to fill me up completely and accept God’s calling. There’s an old timey hymn and part of the chorus is, “he’s calling for you…he’s calling for me…”

When a Preacher decides to follow God’s calling, His drawing, it is the biggest decision that She will ever make in Her entire life. Gone are all the hopes and dreams and plans that She made for Her life, all Her fantasies about shopping for the right pair of shoes to match Her business suit for that high-paying job with the corner window office. Now She will spend Her days visiting sick parishioners while She’s wearing comfortable shoes because She’s on Her feet all day long. She won’t be living in the 3 million dollar house on the hill overlooking the ocean, because a Preacher doesn’t make that kind of money! However, She will receive the hugs and kisses from countless multitudes of people that She has counseled in their darkest hour; She will receive limitless blessings from talking to people on the phone that are at their rock bottom, and perhaps some are even ready to end it and She had talked them back from the edge of death; She will share in the happiest moments of new couples lives as She performs marriage ceremonies or baptizes babies. Best of all, She will receive The Holy Spirit of God each Sunday as She preaches and spreads The Word of God to those who would listen.

I am, by no means, not an expert nor do I have some special power, but I have 40 years of going to church under my belt. Growing up, I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night and every 2 months or so, we would have a week-long “revival” where we would go to church EVERY NIGHT and then spend ALL DAY on Saturday and ALL DAY on Sunday at church. I have heard, in person, easily 50 different pastors preach full sermons, and it’s probably more than fifty! I have sat in church and not a peep was heard and I felt nothing. I have sat in church and “Amen” and/or “Praise God” and/or hands were in the air, or the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up and I’ve felt electricity run down my spine, and I’ve also been in sermons where I’ve felt The Spirit so strong that I almost jumped up out of my pew because I was so electrified and crying from feeling The Holy Spirit!

Time for church…



Ding! Ding! Time for church…again!

So you can place me in the category of someone who actually “feels” The Holy Spirit. To me, when I feel The Holy Spirit, it feels like electricity running up my spine and all the hair LITERALLY stands up on my arms and the back of my neck. The stronger I feel The Spirit, the more electrified I feel, the more the hairs stand up and then I start to cry uncontrollably, but they are happy tears and throughout this ENTIRE process, my heart is just filled with overwhelming love, just like the love I feel for Sheri, well almost; it’s very, very similar to the love I feel for Sheri.

The Holy Spirit Fills Me…



AAAHHH! I’m being electricuted!!! Turn off the power!!!

Given that I feel The Holy Spirit, when I sit in church and I hear a Preacher giving the sermon, I either feel The Holy Spirit or I do not feel The Holy Spirit. If I feel The Holy Spirit then I call that a good service. If I don’t, then I would call that a boring service. If I feel The Holy Spirit consistently from the SAME Preacher, then that Preacher is touched by God; that Preacher is Holy; that Preacher is following God’s Word; that Preacher is filled with The Holy Spirit; that Preacher is a Saint among mankind. You don’t have to do some kind of great miracle to be a saint in this day and age. If you make a positive difference in your community via The Holy Spirit, by following and obeying The Holy Spirit, by doing God’s Work, by spreading God’s Word faithfully via The Holy Spirit by giving yourself over to God and letting your words be His Words when you Preach, then you are a Saint.

There are fewer and fewer Saint’s among us these days because fewer and fewer people are willing to be selfless. That is what it takes to become a Saint. You feel the drawing, the calling by God to become a preacher. You listen to God’s calling and you adhere to that calling; you obey, fully, selflessly. You devote your life, entirely to the work of God, to fulfilling God’s work, to listening to The Holy Spirit and giving of yourself totally over unto God’s hands to do with as God would have. That is a Saint. And you know how you can tell? You sit in a pew and you listen to them preach on Sunday. That’s how. You listen to their words and if their words offend you, good because they are telling you to stop following the path of man and start following the path of The Word, to start following Jesus.

When She decided to listen to that calling, She made the biggest decision in Her life. Her life would never be the same. She chose the hard path, but the spiritually rewarding path, the right path. However, once She started down that road, She devoted Herself fully, She turned Herself fully over to God. She became a Saint for God. And God blessed Her doubly by sending The Holy Spirit to Her, to guide Her, to lead Her, to show Her the way, and to help Her spread His message, His Word to all those who would listen.

God blessed Her with an overabundance of The Holy Spirit so that She could preach His Word to ALL His people. God does not care that She is a woman. She has a powerful gift of speech. Her faith is strong and unwavering. She has given Herself fully unto God. God would not waste the gifts He blessed Her with only to pigeonhole Her into the role of a babysitter just because She is a woman. God has not blessed Her with the gift of eloquent speech and filled Her with an overabundance of The Holy Spirit, just so She can go and sing, “so the bible tells me so” to small children who still pick their noses and have no actual, tangible concept of God, let alone possess the capacity to grasp the ideas and concepts she is capable of wielding to convey God’s Word. Far too often have I seen Men of the Pulpit take their fellow, equal, often more in touch with God, Saintly Women of the Pulpit, and pigeonhole them into the chauvinistic, “classical female role” of childrearer, instead of giving them the respect they deserve, instead of giving them their rightful place behind the Pulpit! God is smart and not a chauvinistic pig, so why do so many male Preachers question God and outright DEFY Him?

Dear Lord, please help stubborn male pastors to open their eyes to the extraordinary talents women possess.

Amen.

I’m so pissed off at Male Chauvinist Pigs!!!

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